A handicap comes in different ways. Some individuals are able to live a productive and fulfilling life even though they may not have full use of their body. My first experience was feeding, loving, and living with my older brother who was mainly only able to move his head and eyes. He could communicate with groans and noises, that maybe, if I was older, I would have tried to figure out if they resembled words in any way. Was he trying to talk to me? I know he wanted to play and laugh and cry and act out his frustrations. He was almost three years older than I was, and he left to live at a hospital called Muscatatuck State Hospital. I remember him leaving when he was eight, and never coming back until I was 25. I know we visited him a few times when I was a child, and I know it was the most awful and very horrible emotional times in my life. I would get so sick that I would vomit for days. My legs would ache so badly at night, that I spent many of those nights crying and suffering through terrible headaches and stomach cramps. My brother passed away shortly after he returned to our hometown. He moved from the hospital to a nursing home. I could only visit him once because he had staff infection and I was nursing my second daughter at the time.
After getting past his death, I began to see him out in public. I felt him close by me several times and I tried so hard to find him in my dreams. I cried so many times, that finally my husband suggested I write a book about him living instead and us taking him on fun, happy, adventurous trips.