Hello and how are you, the weather is what ever it is, I did this or that this week. I never knew you as a child. You did not get to have a Grandma to remember fond memories of.
You just met me right before I turned 88. You searched for me for over 16 years. But I can not tell you anything important that will clue you in to why I was not in your life.
I told you I would tell you one day in a letter. So we are pen pals now, but I really do not plan to ever share my reasons for walking away. There might be something that would make you understand, maybe fear or threats from someone, but since I will not open up, you will never know.
Which will lead you to believe I was just selfish. I wanted to go out, have fun, not be bothered, not willing to share my time, my life with you.
I know you desire more. You would love for me to write from the heart, pouring out my soul, sharing my first memories. Writing small, mailing letter after letter, cramming 90 years in to an envelope. Painting a picture of your Grandma as a little girl, traveling the United States, and other countries, how I did in school, my fashion, my style.
I bet you would have loved to spend the night, sit on my lap, let me swing you, laugh and talk, and stay up late, crying when you had to go home. Oh how you would have enjoyed my big recipe box of all the tasty home cooked meals and cookies you never got to enjoy. Calling me on the phone when I could hear and coloring me pictures when I could see. Giving me hugs and letting me kiss your nose.
I will still just write about fluff and then some stuff. I will just pen love,hugs,and kisses. Because I know in my heart, I can not make up for not being in your life.