The best was removed because of continuos or repeated ways of not treating the best part in the best possible way.
Filing my dreams…
She saw this as her arms tried to pull her free. They were so weak now, useless, only there to hang at her sides. The thick stems in the bush were not just tangled/ They were not just filled with large unforgiving thorns. They were full of strong sap.
She remembered her once strong legs. If her arms did not work anymore, then she would push so hard with her legs to free herself. Her toes dug in to her shoes. Her knees felt the weight as they groaned and complained. Her muscles were deflated. Her hips were pained.
A sob escaped as her body said no. Please stay here stuck in this thing. She did not want to wallow here in despair. She wanted to start over and walk around the trap on her path that held her tight.
If she got free, she would do better. She would be kinder, spend more time with family and friends. She would smile and laugh more. She promised to pray and worry less. She would do better than better. She would rebuild her best part, she would put up a fight. She would do her very best. Her very best in the best possible of ways.
Filing Dreams & Finding Ways to Envision Them Differently-This is a continuation of the dream On the Shore. I have had a lot happen that I can not discuss in a poem or story at this time. I have been strong then weak, back and forth. The Lord. Prayer. Bible verses. My husband. My family and friends have really helped me. On the Shore was my head, dreaming, trying to sort through some pretty tough steps on my path. Back on the Shore is how I picture moving forward, growing strong, loving my life, and praying hard.
I got up from my knees. Sore and sad, I went home. I looked at my bed, but sat in a chair. I could give up, but I was not alone. Instead, I met the Lord in prayer. He made me. He cares. It would be a lie to say that I was okay. Worry and strife come along in this life. They try to play with my heart. But, I am a strong woman. Always have been, right from the start.
I got worn through many a storm, but not irreparably torn. At times that chute covered me, sometimes it hovered over me. It wrapped around my feet. I could not sleep. It held me in midair. It suspended me up there. I tried to give it away, but it stayed.
This is when I wanted to picture leaving anger, despair, and sadness behind, bound with a cord. When my parachute is open I welcome happiness, faith, and joy to fly above and around me. I could see me pulling one cord that would release my fears and send them out to sea.
I walked back. I shouted for anyone to hear. It’s me, I said. I’m a woman. I’m a wife. I’m a momma in this life. I shed some tears. I get sad or very mad. I will not give up.
If I could grab your hand, I would pull you in. I will keep praying, loving,and encouraging, no matter what.
Look for me on the shore again, you will see me. Even if you are out in dark, angry waves, that chute is in the sky. Here I stand.
Bless this little community, Dear Lord, I prayed. I was returning their ad-Needed:Angel.
I pushed the pin back through the paper with a little note at the bottom. It would have been so much simpler if the original ad would have given their phone number. Instead of listing my number, I left my first name.
Walking through the grocery store, I was feeling stronger today. We always stayed together, holding the cart with our hands entwined.
I was having more good days, than bad. I still had my husband to help me heal. His strength an encouragement every day, was a true blessing. He was my best friend through the good an the bad. Time,also, was my friend. I had tried to rush recovery, wanting so badly to go back to my life before the accident.
The morning was gone. We had spent the hours sitting in yet another doctor’s office. We still needed to run errands and get some groceries in the house. I could have lived on applesauce an yogurt, but it had been over a week.
My main thoughts had been to get through the nurse, an her questions, the doctor, an the popular words, “Time is your friend.” I could then conquer my selfish goal of returning the ad to the billboard.
Yesterday, Brad an I had tried to envision me working again. I couldn’t help but cry as we stated the obvious. I could not drive. I could walk in our home, but outside I needed help with my balance. I could not look down or nausea set in. I could not be on the computer or cell phone for longer than a few minutes or I needed to rest. A fall would set me back in every part of recovery. What could I possibly offer these people?
My response was simple. If I was meant to be their angel, nothing would stop this from happening.I was not the person I used to be. The accident I had should have damaged me far more, or worse, taken me from here.
I would not leave my number as I still needed time to heal While we wait, please, let’s all be in prayer. Prayer that we are put nicely in each other’s path’s. The Lord up above will let us know if I am the right angel for the job.
Everywhere she turned, she kept getting reminded to look up front. Turn your neck side to side, but keep your eyes looking forward. What if I need to turn around? Keep looking up front. I have something I want to retrieve. Keep looking up front. My feet keep moving, an I am sometimes wandering, but I am looking up front.
As she grew in to a young lady, she felt strong. She could conquer anything in her path. As she became a woman, she had beautiful children. She became fearless, thinking only of protecting them from anything the world put in their path.
As her children grew up an had children of their own, she did not feel as strong. Her step faltered. She felt like turning around. She felt like going back to being a little girl, to the comforts of home, an her parents. She wanted to go back to the time of raising her children. She wished to do everything all over again.
She thought of what she had been told. To always look up front. She realized she never left anything behind. She had wonderful memories. The regrets were sent to her side.
Looking up front was meant to be filled with excitement. What was up front, was her future. She could fear it or she could pray about it. She could worry till she was sick and full of stress, or she could give what was up front to the Lord.
She had been taught to pray at a very young age. She had asked the Lord in to her heart. Sometimes she let prayer slip away, and she started to turn around.
But, prayer was in her heart again, along with fear, was her strength to look forward to her future. She was on the path He had made for her. He loved her. He protected her. She looked up front because she is following the Lord.
Psalms 34:4 I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. Praise the Lord!
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”
Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.
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It has been seven years since my Dad passed away. He is in my thoughts quite often. Remembering times past together, and the wonderful things he did for our family. I try as often as we can to visit my Mom to spend time with her and to help out around the house. This house is the same home that she and my Dad shared. It is a beautiful home that she fills with pretty features and surrounds the outside with beautiful flowers and decorations. A very special gift for me each time I visit, I continue to find memories of him everywhere.
Front entry patio flowers and memorial bench.
I do not feel that we are ever really ready to say goodbye. My Dad passed away after an over five year battle with Parkinson’s Disease. A very tough progressive disorder of the nervous system that gradually removed from him the ability to move and function. As the end drew near, my prayers began to shift away from a total healing to more of a comforting and strengthening for him and my Mom, she being his primary caregiver. I knew with each visit the potential was that he may be taken away before we were able to get back to them. I began to prepare myself for the time when I would have to say goodbye.
How do you prepare? My life was certainly a blessed life. Not only was I able to experience two loving parents, but my I had wonderful times and memories with my Mom’s parents and my Dad’s father. My Dad’s mother passed when I was around three. This has provided me with sweet pictures of her holding me, but I am afraid not much recollection. Rich I was in a family not only fairly large on both sides with brothers, a sister, uncles, aunts and cousins, but with families that really enjoyed getting together and having fun. Blessed. At that point in my life, I had not lost someone as close as my Dad. To tell the truth what bothered me most was I was being selfish. I did not want to lose him. I wanted more time with him. I wanted to be able to speak to him and hear him talk. To go places with him and Mom and have more fun with my wife and kids. I wanted more.
With time, the Parkinson’s took more and more away from Dad. Towards the end it took away his ability to communicate through normal speech. This not only made it difficult for my Mom to care for him, but meant for all of us losing his conversations. At times speaking with one another can be unappreciated, especially when we are busy. Once gone though, conversations become very precious. To hear what they are thinking, to know how they are feeling. To share what is going on in each others’ lives. Part of my preparing was making certain every time spent with Dad, he knew that he was loved. For him to know he was appreciated. Whether he was able to respond back or not, Dad knew before I left for my home.
Seeds from the Mimosa tree planted nearly twenty years ago.
Being able to continue going places with Dad and Mom become more difficult as the disease progressed. Trying to go places with Dad, who began having difficulties managing getting in and out of a vehicle, climbing up and down steps, and eventually required wheelchair access everywhere, made me realize what the term “Accessible” means. In the small town where they lived, many of the places we wanted to travel were hard to manage, difficult to enter, or downright out of the realm of possibility to visit. I began to understand that in lieu of places and adventures with Mom and Dad, what I had now was Time. Time together watching his Chicago Cubs play baseball (oh how happy he would be right now!), or watching a western movie, or just sharing with him the ongoings of his grandkids. Time became very special and thank God it seemed to slow down and each visit had rich connections between the two of us. To say I was preparing for his passing would be a lie. No, if anything, I was developing a stronger appreciation of what he meant to me. A stronger understanding of all the wonderful things both Mom and he did even if at the time I didn’t understand or take time to say thank you.
The Mimosa tree as it stands today, I see Dad right next to it, I wish you could too!
Inside the house is a work bench and table in a little shop. My Mom has left the room basically the same, cleaned out, but with the same feel, colors and maps Dad appreciated on the wall. Whenever I enter the shop to get a tool or item to help whatever task we are working on, I can still see and hear Dad. Outside their house are many trees and shrubs they both planted when they relocated some years back. There is a Mimosa that we especially recall, since Dad planted it from a seed, and cared for it in the early years. Now everyone shares in the beauty during the Spring and Summer months. In the front entrance of the house there are beautiful annuals planted adjacent to a memorial bench given to my Mom after his passing. A beautiful reminder, cared for much in the same way she tenderly and lovingly cared for him. This place holds many memories near and dear to me.
Mimosa blooms in the Spring or Vernal Equinox.
You see, I was never really preparing myself for his passing. That is not something I was capable or willing. God was preparing for me over time to accept and move forward. Not to be ready to say goodbye, but to move to the next part of my life with my Mom, and how to keep Dad close in memory. He is in me and all of those who were blessed to know him. He is everywhere that I am whenever I recall him. So I appreciate what my Mom has done and continues to do, for at this house his memory is planted everywhere.
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We have started our first family prayer tree! Following a fun trip to Disney’s Animal Kingdom this past spring, we decided to replicate in our own way a prayer tree. A tree to encourage us to take a moment in our hectic life and spend it in prayer for our family, our friends, our world.
Located in the Anandapur Asian section of the park is a prayer tree that has been draped with new and old cloths to represent the memory of loved ones who passed away.
In our backyard, located in a quiet corner of the woods is a place we have created to reach out to God. Reaching out for thanksgiving, reaching out for help, reaching out for guidance.
We have enjoyed seeing the trees in our yard as they change with the seasons. Seeing the life and support that they provide the birds and small animals. Now when we look, we also see special prayers spoken for others. Many that have been answered! We all need to make time to speak with and to listen.
Do you have a special way to remind yourself to take time to pray, please share your story.
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